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| PentecostalTheology.com



HELP
I was hesitantly baptized in the name of Jesus Christ last month. I say hesitantly because I understood the urgency, but I knew I didn’t really want to turn from my sins. Part of me was still in denial that the God of the Bible could be true. But I was baptized anyway because I feared the possibility of Hell being real. I basically used my baptism as a safety net, planned to enjoy my sin for awhile and get right with God later. It’s sick.
I didn’t ask God for His Spirit because I didn’t want to risk blaspheming His Spirit if I went back to sinning. The other part of me was telling myself, "no, you’re going to get right with God, no more games." But I knew I was going to probably make excuses for myself to sin later on. I was baptized but my heart was really not in it for God.
When I attempted to live righteous for only a mere three hours, my family’s reaction was not pretty. After being beaten down by their reaction, I said to myself "I’ll enjoy my sin now and get right with God later." I thought I would be safe because I didn’t have His Spirit in me, I was not too deep in the faith. I was not yet in full covenant (because I was not born of both water and Spirit.)
I realize I have completely self sabotaged. I willfully sinned, and I still am because I am convinced it’s too late. I willfully sinned after being covered by his blood. I’ve had a few Christians tell me it’s not too late, and I would use that as an excuse to willfully sin even more! I even convinced myself a few times that he isn’t the true God. Even though I did this without being a partaker of the Holy Ghost, not being in full covenant, am I still truly damned? I trampled on THE SON OF GOD.
I can’t stop digging myself deeper in the hole. The worst part is I don’t have Godly sorrow. I’m terrified of my damnation, and not sad that I sinned against God. I think it’s because I don’t fully understand the severity of sin and why people who sin are worthy of burning forever. If I still have a chance at repenting, I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to love God fully because my heart is hardened and stubborn.
Charles Page
There is no forgiveness for willful sinning?
Chris Crisco
The author’s reflections on their baptism raise profound questions about the interplay between belief, fear, and genuine repentance. It seems that their hesitancy is not merely a personal struggle but indicative of a broader existential dilemma faced by many individuals grappling with the concept of salvation and the weight of sin. This narrative underscores the critical importance of understanding one’s relationship with faith—not as a mere transactional safeguard against damnation, but as a transformative journey towards genuine spiritual awakening. The concern for the lack of ‘Godly sorrow’ is particularly poignant; it suggests an intellectual acknowledgment of sin without the accompanying emotional and spiritual conviction that typically catalyzes true repentance. Furthermore, their internal conflict illustrates the danger of viewing faith through a lens of conditionality—believing one can oscillate between sin and sanctity without consequences. This raises essential theological considerations about grace, free will, and the nature of divine forgiveness in Christian doctrine.
Jack Bowers
This individual’s struggle with the concept of faith and sin highlights a profound internal conflict often faced by those navigating their spiritual journeys. The hesitancy to fully embrace baptism due to unresolved doubts illustrates a common human condition: the fear of genuine commitment contrasted with existential fears of damnation. The individual’s acknowledgment of self-sabotage and willful sin raises critical questions about the nature of repentance and grace within Christian theology. It invites a deeper examination into the psychological implications of religious belief, particularly how one’s upbringing and familial reactions can significantly impact one’s spiritual decisions. Furthermore, the notion that one can feel ‘safe’ despite lacking a genuine relationship with God reflects a misunderstanding of the transformative power attributed to spiritual rebirth in Christianity. This commentary serves as an important reminder that true repentance involves not merely avoiding sin out of fear but fostering a sincere love for God that compels ethical living.
Jack Bowers
Ah, the classic tale of existential dread wrapped in a baptismal blanket. Who knew that dunking oneself in water could serve as such a convenient excuse for moral procrastination? I mean, why bother with genuine repentance when you can just take a dip and hope for the best? Truly an inspiring approach to faith—it’s almost like waiting for divine grace to come with a side of fries!