A MESSAGE TO HUSBANDS – Ray E Horton
I’ve been seeing a lot of marital struggles around the Body of Christ lately. And, while it may be the fault of either spouse, it takes two to tango, so to speak. A common denominator I’ve been seeing lately, however, is guys not knowing how to love their wives. I’m going to be more direct here than if I were counseling an individual since I’m writing to a broad audience and not dealing with anyone personally. But, if you see yourself here, please do pray and ask the Lord to deal with you in your situation.
Most Christians husbands, if they have been in the Word and around other Christians for a while, have already learned that men and women are different emotionally, and the woman isn’t typically looking to have all her problems fixed. (She usually already knows the answers). She is looking for empathy, listening, relationship, time together. That’s how she knows she is loved, and that’s what she usually needs. And guys, it’s not a problem that she’s like that – it is the way God made her.
The woman isn’t typically looking to have all her problems fixed. (She usually already knows the answers). She is looking for empathy, listening, relationship, time together. That’s how she knows she is loved
But to know something doesn’t make it easy to do something. Most men (and women) do not recognize their own shortcomings in the area of relationships. Since men are wired differently, they want to conquer problems and control situations. And, since listening and spending time together doesn’t always seem productive, they will deceive themselves into thinking that being the provider, or doing ministry, or buying gifts, will be enough to bless the wife and fulfill their responsibility. But really, he needs to love her the way she needs to be loved: Sit still and listen. Don’t give her an answer, give her a hug.
So, if you are a hard worker, with several jobs, but with little time for the wife and family, it is best to pray for and seek out work that provides more free time. It’s not just a good idea – it may mean saving the marriage.
Or if you are a minister or zealous Christian with much of your time occupied in serving the Lord, you might serve the Lord better by putting your wife and family first so that you can be a good example to others and keep your marriage strong.
God is all about relationships
He needs to love her the way she needs to be loved: Sit still and listen. Don’t give her an answer, give her a hug
On the other hand, security is important to a woman, so make sure you provide the best living possible without sacrificing time for family.
It doesn’t matter if these things don’t come naturally, or don’t seem so important to your way of thinking. They are important in the Lord’s eyes. He is all about relationship. It’s a matter of Christian maturity. You can remain a baby by staying set in your ways, too lazy or indifferent or insecure or self-righteous to try to change. But, if you have the courage to be willing to change, He will help you. Just pray, trust in Him and step out to do the right thing.
You can learn, and grow and change, not be selfish, but sacrifice your ways for His: Time with Him first, time with spouse and family second, THEN time for work, ministry and play. If guys would practice this, we’d see great improvement in marriages.